10 things I hate about you (a special tribute to Godzilla 2014)

My best friend has a thing for dinosaurs like I have a thing for fantasy. One of my never-ending arguments with her is how can she like dinosaurs and not dragons? And she tells me that dinosaurs were real not mythical. Yes dinosaurs have ceased to exist for hundreds and hundreds of years, but while their bones have been discovered much is left to the imagination on what these creatures must have really looked like. So although they aren’t mythical, they sometimes seem borderline mythical. So back to my best friend. Since Godzilla 2014 was out in theatres, what Dino-fan would she be if she didn’t watch the movie? And what best friend who prefers dragons to dinosaurs would I be if I didn’t agree to be dragged along. After the movie, this article took shape. I’m pretty sure that when my best friend reads it she will pray a dinosaur eats me. These are the 10 things I hate about Godzilla 2014.

1. I think we just came for the Amazing Spider-Man again

So archaeologists in Philippines discover two giant radioactive eggs in the 2014 Godzilla version okay? Drawing from the last Godzilla version in 1998 since we were at a Godzilla movie my friend and I were deducing that maybe this version could be a sequel that maybe these two eggs can be leftover mini Godzilla baby eggs and that we had not one (as implied in the 1998 version) but two baby Godzillas that survived plus the huge dada/mama Godzilla. Pure Dino power yes? So imagine our surprise when the first egg cracks open in Japan (where they took the first egg for testing) and a huge spider leg pops out? My immediate reaction was turning to my friend and saying “Are we at another Amazing Spider-Man movie?” After we saw the size of the creature, it was followed by more snide remarks (from my side obviously) like “I bet the one of the M.U.T.O. babies bit Peter Parker” They are radioactive spiders after all aren’t they?

2. So did I just hear it right? Godzilla was responsible for the Hiroshima bombings? Really????

It is implied in the film that Americans dropped the bomb on Hiroshima not as part of a military defense strategy against Japan in the wake of what happened at Pearl Habour but because they were trying to destroy Godzilla. I mean really???? While earlier versions of Godzilla say that the creature was awakened by atomic bombs, the 2014 version goes one step ahead to say that the creature was nearly destroyed because the Hiroshima bombs were dropped on Japan with the intent of killing it.

3. Bad ass nuclear bombs could not destroy Godzilla so stop firing bullets at him!!!!

It’s implied that Godzilla survived the Hiroshima bombings so bullets really won’t work will they? Also if he survived the bomb, I’m willing to bet he and the M.U.T.O.s would survive the new nuclear weapon too. So really in the end the weapons which are obviously radioactive and practically screaming “EAT ME” to the M.U.T.O.s would have not destroyed the monsters but human beings.

4. 3 radioactive creatures exist that maybe hell-bent on destroying humanity. We don’t destroy them but keep them alive for scientific curiosity and to save our sorry asses.

Come to think of it Godzilla and the M.U.T.O.s were doing us a favour. They were feeding on radiation which in a way is aiding humanity. But instead of curbing the many ways in which we cause radiation pollution, it’s just better to keep these creatures alive to do the job for us. Let’s not develop counter measures in case these creatures decide to make us their food one day. Oh and since we aren’t destroying them let’s study them. Not like we don’t have the situation under control. Oops wait a minute we don’t. Our bad.

 5. Also if Godzilla feeds on radiation, why doesn’t he go after radioactive items excluding the M.U.T.O.s after doing a “Baywatch” from the sea?

M.U.T.O.s feed on radiation. Godzilla feeds on radiation. M.U.T.O.s go on a radioactive binge-eating spree on land but Godzilla does not follow suit. He only goes after the M.U.T.O.s. It does not make sense that he wouldn’t react the same way they did. It is implied he considered them enemies because they were a threat to his food source. But with the way humans live I’m pretty sure there was plenty of radiation to go around. Also I thought he eats fish. Not bombs or M.U.T.O.s. I liked him better when he was a fish person. Maybe he just eats radioactive fish now. Or mermaids.

6. Godzilla the saviour? What happened to him being the “good bad guy”????? Childhood memory version ruined.

Come to think of it Godzilla wasn’t a bad guy in the previous versions either. Godzilla 1998 was Godzilla’s time to procreate. He also seemed more inclined to eating fish than humans. His babies liked humans though. Godzilla’s primary fault was too much of a “sole crushing” nature. He trampled on too many things which included humans and buildings so he was more of the misunderstood bad guy. But let’s face it. He was the ultimate bad boy. So making him the hero is like whhaaaaaaaaaaatttttt? I actually thanked my friend for making me watch this movie. It made me appreciate the 1998 Godzilla version better.

7. What’s with the blue fire? Is Godzilla becoming a dragon?

Yes Okay I admit it. The atomic breath scene was super-cool. It was awesome. All of us went Woaaaahhhhhhh!!! when it happened. The reasoning behind the blue fire was that since Godzilla was a radioactive creature he would have radioactive breath right? Maybe we were so used to the older version when we saw him spurting out a more orangey atomic breathy breath, that the blue breath was too much for our eyes this time. Like O.M.G. he’s turning into a dragon!!! Out with the dragon wings zilla baby, I know your hiding them behind that gorgeous scaly back of yours.

8. So the M.U.T.O.s are the bad guys but they weren’t hurting humans were they? They just wanted to eat radioactive stuff and make M.U.T.O. babies.

While the Godzilla fight scenes with the M.U.T.O.s somehow reminds me of Alien vs. Predator, the M.U.T.O. mating scene reminded me of Species. Godzilla 2014 seemed to take inspiration from too many things and present us with the final pot-pourri. Also the M.U.T.O.s fed on radioactive stuff. They never attacked humans. They weren’t a threat to humans-just to the nuclear weapons humans used. They have also been sucking radiation from the earth so they and Godzilla have been doing us a big favour. Sure they destroyed half cities to get to the food stuff but have you seen their size? And its not like Godzilla danced around the buildings, he caused his share of destruction too (though in this version it’s more like he danced around the buildings). There is a message implied here too that if anything gets in the way of trying to capture the army’s radioactive weaponry, man, dino or M.U.T.O. , they will be destroyed.

9. That moment when Godzilla makes eye contact with Ford Brody, I can hear some people dying to say “Still a better love story than Twilight”. 

That awkward moment when Godzilla makes eye contact with Ford Brody and then gets submerged in debris as Ford Brody faints and you’re like “O.M.G did that just happen or did we imagine it?” Maybe it works in movies like King Kong where the gorilla is a male who falls in love with a female human but Godzilla is a dude in this movie not a female and Ford Brody is married with a kid, so not cool bro. Lol kidding! The eye contact scene was not that bad just weird and senty. Ford must be thinking like “Why would that he pick tiny ole me to wink at? Oh wait I know why. I’m married to Elizabeth Olsen in this movie that’s why. You get me bro. High-Five”.

10. So I paid money to watch Godzilla come out only during the end of the movie?

Why bother naming the movie “Godzilla” if Godzilla is hardly going to be in it? So okay I made peace with the fact that while I wasn’t interested in this movie in the first place that I’d at-least get to see Godzilla being the badass Dino I remember him being. But No! For the first hour of the movie the only teasing glimpses you see are the tips of his scaly back coursing from one end of the ocean to the other. When he finally does appear towards the end of the movie (finally), granted he makes an appearance and yes he looks better than all previous versions made him out to be. He is not FAT as most reviews have said but even if he is the world is currently facing an obesity problem so lay easy on the dinosaur. The point is FAT or Not FAT, he comes out only at the end. That makes you have a FAT problem with the movie and everyone who made it.

All this being said, the movie should be watched at least once because even though Godzilla didn’t trample on a lot of buildings in this movie, he did leave a mark on many people. Maybe one of them may be you.

Besides if anything else at-least you’re gonna hear him roar.

Picture Credits: 

Godzilla front profile (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3c/Godzilla_Empire_Reveal.jpg)

Godzilla Vs. M.U.T.O (http://farm8.static.flickr.com/7156/13545741213_d27d0213a9_m.jpg)

Godzilla back profile (http://cdn.mos.totalfilm.com/images/g/godzilla-2014-extended-footage-reaction-157494-a-1393593601-470-75.jpg)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “10 things I hate about you (a special tribute to Godzilla 2014)

  1. I discovered your blog site on google and check a few of your early posts. Continue to keep up the very good operate. I just additional up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to reading more from you later on!…

  2. Umm, if you had watched any of the real godzilla movies, you wouldn’t have any of these questions and all of your problems with the movie line up exactly with the originals. Do your research.

    • I am talking about Godzilla 2014 specifically without being influenced by past versions or the original. Besides its just my opinion. You don’t have to like or agree with it!

  3. It wasn’t the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombing that were to kill Godzilla (they were what awoke him in the first place), but the later Pacific tests. Personally, I thought the movie had excellent cinematography and a superb musical score, and some scenes (the foot-stomp, the HALO jump and the atomic breath) were stunning, but the bland characters, dishonest trailers, lazy writing, gaping plot holes, terrible special effects and a great cast of actors and actresses that were completely squandered just ruined it beyond redemption for me.
    The scientists didn’t keep the MUTO’s alive (well, the Japanese ones did, but the US ones thought the female was dead, which was my biggest pet peeve). The US scientists vivisected the MUTO, but it somehow survived this, and then instead of studying the greatest creature to have ever been discovered, it is locked away in a repository for nuclear waste (for absolutely no reason other than plot convenience), with absolutely nobody checking on it for the next 15 years and noticing that it had grown to an incredible size or was consuming all of the radiation, or was busting out of a mountainside until some soldiers arrived afterwards. The MUTOs hunt for nuclear radiation but ignore the nuclear-powered aircraft carriers that are swarming all over the show. They somehow have EMP’s (which must have been really useful in prehistoric times) which can knock out military aircraft despite all military aircraft having EMP shielding for decades. They also lay a tower of eggs around a nuke and instantly cut out the Godzilla-parasitism part of their life-cycle, which makes no sense because if all they need is radiation then they could just get it from the bottom of the ocean like Godzilla does, as exoskeletal creatures they are much better adapted to the extreme atmospheric pressure down there than Godzilla is.
    I could go on, but even thinking about the lazy mess that is this film gets me annoyed.

    • Haha yes not to mention the fact that Godzilla showed up when the movie was almost over! In that aspect, Jurassic World 2015 kicked ass! More focus on the dinosaurs combined with awesome cinematography, special effects and the epic fight between Indominus, T-Rex and a raptor minion who was confused about its master, with a special guest appearance by the Mosasaurus (Sea-creature) who was (let’s face it) the actual hero of the show!

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