The Minion Guide to Despicable People


With Minions 2015 having just been released, the timing for this article could not have been more perfect. What I have done here is a play on words, picking on the facts/traits of Gru’s 10 most beloved Minions and aligning it with the more irksome traits of the top 10 people I find totally Gru-e-some:

1. The Much Ado about Nothingers!


Despicable Me-er: The ones who take a small issue and make a bigger problem where there really isn’t one.

Minion Used: The Minion Dave is nicknamed Bazooka Dave because he loves rockets & missiles. Basically he thrives on blowing things up.

2. The A-proud-ites


Despicable Me-er: The ones who are proud and conceited, always at the ready to cast judgement on others.

Minion Used: The Minion Bob is still orbiting the Earth after having drunk some anti-gravity serum

3. The A-String-ents 


Despicable Me-er: The ones who typically play with the feelings of others with no regard for the hurt they cause, most of the time knowingly.

Minion Used: The Minion Jerry is a different kind of player: a musical one. He loves strumming his guitar.

4. The Robbing Hoods


Despicable Me-er: The ones who make you do all the hard work and then walk around parading the work as their own.

Minion Used: We don’t know much about the Minion John except that he appeared during the end credits of Despicable Me. So the movie basically ended with him.

5. The Ass-tronauts


Despicable Me-er: The ones whose specialty lies in annoying/ bumming others.

Minion Used: The Minion Jorge loves taking photocopies of his bum.

6. The L’ego Landers


Despicable Me-er: The ones who boast and seek to give others an inflated version of their affairs. Also including the ones who think their word is law.

Minion Used: The Minion Kevin was reduced to the size of 6cm when Gru tested the Shrink Ray on him.

7. The Mark-eters


Despicable Me-er: The ones who just can’t stop talking about themselves. The world revolves around them and them only.

Minion Used: The Minion Mark, probably based on the singer Mark Anthony, loves to sing and is remembered for the Minionised Karaoke version of Copacabana.

8. The Must-Kiss-teers


Despicable Me-er: The ones who carry on a string of relationships with a bunch of people at the same time while leading each of their partners to believe that they alone are the sole objects of their affection.

Minion Used: The Minion Phil loves receiving kisses from Agnes and seeks her affection more than the other minions.

9. La Phonytas


Despicable Me-er: The ones who don’t mean what they say. They may tell you something but feel/do something else. These are the most dangerous kinds of people. You can’t trust them because you never know what they are thinking, since the picture they paint tends to deceive.

Minion Used: Stuart is the most sincere and innocent minion there ever was.

10. The Dom-inions


Despicable Me-er: The ones who thrive on dominating others. They differ from real leaders in the sense that nobody wants to follow them because of their high-handed attitude.

Minion Used: The Minion Tim has a bit of a temper and loves playing boss.

So in wrapping up, for all the Despicable People you meet in life you can but do one thing…..

Master them, like one masters a Minion.


Picture credits: 

Feature Image (

Picture captions: Zuleika Pereira

Bob in Space (

Bazooka Dave (

Jerry with a guitar (

John at end credits (

Jorge Bum image (

Shrunken Kevin (

Mark Singing (

Phil in love (

Stuart (

Tim (

Gru and his minions (


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